History is made, let's all go for dinner?

Posted by Cara on May 12, 2010 in News | 0 comments

The following are entirely my own views and reflect in no way those of MyCityDeal, who are a lovely bunch of people, and not embittered old hags like me.

…Oh hi there, yeah so it’s been a while, sorry I’ve been busy wondering WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO THE COUNTRY.

Now, drama queen I may be, but events of the past week have left me seriously questioning whether Britain’s “leaders” have spent the best part of five days off their proverbial mammories. Ever since the country took to the polls to exercise our fundamental democratic rights – bad luck if you live in certain areas of Islington and Sheffield, apparently your opinions don’t count, and frankly we all know democracy shuts shop at 10pm sharp so it’s actually your fault STUPID – politics has become a playground. What with Gordon squatting in Number 10, Nick pimping his ‘Demz’ to the highest hustle, and Dave desperately trying to keep his face stapled on, it’s a wonder we haven’t all packed our bags and headed for the hills. Or Greece. Every passing hour seems to have brought yet more shrieking declarations from hyperactive journos clamouring to be the first to tell us what we already know – “NOTHING’S REALLY CHANGED BUT THIS IS EFFING BRILLIANT FOR RATINGS”. Worse, suddenly everyone thinks they’re a political pundit because they’ve read the Metro every morning since ‘The One Where No One Won’, because “this is, like, seriously history right now”. (There’s nothing worse than when Britain gets a national obsession. You know, when something suddenly becomes that-thing-we-simply-must-discuss-even-though-none-of-us-really-know-why-because-isn’t-it-just-life-changingly-unbelievable! Like mad cow disease. Or Jade Goody.) In short – we’ve collectively lost the plot.

Don’t think I’m writing from atop my high horse – I’ve been just as bad. Yes, I stayed up and watched election coverage last Thursday – alright, so I watched ten minutes before passing out after coming in at 3, I’m still well political yeah? – and yes, I too have followed the fall-out with all the novel enthusiasm that comes with near-total media saturation. Words like “poison chalice”, “coalition” and “swingometer” (keep it kinky) keep slipping into my conversations, – so much so that I should probably look up what a lot of them actually mean – and I’ve started sneaking peeks at BBC.co.uk whenever I can (which is a lot, I’m not very good at my job) to check who’s closer to copping off with Clegg. But now, after almost a week of the blues, the yellows and the reds getting down and dirty, (secret meetings, eh? How very Max Moseley…) I’ve started to feel like the tired, sober one at the end of a party, watching some lairy love triangle play out in public. Between middle-aged men. In ties. Whatever turns you on, I guess.

And now, to top off the sorry, sordid affair, we’ve ended up with a Tory-led government. I was watching last night as Damn Cam – sorry, David Cameron – assumed the sullied mantle of power, and the whole thing left me feeling little but ominous despair. He looks like C3PO covered in ham. (Say what you will about those on the left, but at least they’ve got lips.) I practically fell off my chair as our new PM pledged his party’s commitment to the poor, the elderly, and the inferm, announcing the Tories would “take these people through us” in what we can only assume is a public confirmation that Conservatives are cannibals. And doesn’t Nick Clegg make a fine R2D2, all shiny and stuttery and apparently lacking a soul – interesting how easily principles lose their importance when the chance of power comes calling.
I need a break. We all need a break. Adam Boulton definitely needs a break, before he breaks someones face. Thank heavens for MyCityDeal and their friends at the Supperclub, London’s latest “Superclub” innovation that’s so cutting edge it’s a wonder patrons aren’t left with a paper cut. With 80% off a combination that includes a three course meal, cocktail, a head and neck massage and free entry, it’s the perfect antidote to politics. And let’s be honest, exclusive dining clubs are likely to become all the rage, now that Dave and his Bullingdon boys have nabbed the top table. Plus we’d better make the most of “experimental creative platforms” like the Supperclub before artistic outlets gradually disappear in favour of fox hunting and fancying one’s cousin. After all, we’re all Conservatives now…

Today’s splendid Supperclub offer in London

(Running till the end of Wednesday 12th May 2010)

£17.50 instead of £67 for a decadent 3 course meal, head and neck massage, free entry and a cocktail at lavish West London hangout Supperclub – Save 74%!