My Mission: Is there an alternative to designer sunglasses?

Giraffes. They live in hot places. They don't need sunglasses and have beautiful eyes, with those long lashes - and that cool pattern all over their face. Alas, burdened as I am with my stupid human eyes, the Savannah look did nothing to stop me squinting.

On a nice sunny day I like to stroll down to my local Boulangerie with some rocking tunage playing on the old generic MP3 player. So why bother shelling out for another piece of headwear, when you can simply move the headstrap of your headphones over your eyes and shield yourself from harmful rays!

If you happen to be on a skiing holiday, you'll already be wearing a woolly hat. Don't pay for expensive eye-protectors, merely pull your hat down over your eyes, and pray that you don't plunge to your death down a treacherous ravine!

Shoes have been used for literally many years to protect the feet. Why not try using them to protect your eyes?

Don't take all that "I'm shiny" bull from the Sun. Stick a couple of disco balls on your face and use the power of reflection to show that fiery sphere who's boss!

If I've had a late night, and I wake up feeling gin-soaked, I like to use cold spoons to bring down the puffiness of my eyes. Why not just keep them on all day, and you'll be sure to be the talk of the town.

Fruit is good for you. Fruit eyewear is therefore good for your eyes. Apples seem to work the best.

Although bananas are not without their charms.

If all my suggestions thus far have been a bit masculine, and heaven knows I wouldn't want to you to feel alienated by wearing these in public, then why not try these pink powder puffs after you've dusted your cheeks?

Finally, show your support for developing countries by framing your eyes with ethnic fairtrade beads. They don't work very well, but everyone will know how much you care about the world and organic stuff and so on...