Heidi’s Ringing Endorsement

Posted by Guest on Feb 26, 2011 in News | 0 comments

Hi, I’m Heidi (or should that be “Heidi, hi”? Guess this hasn’t got that much to do with camping…just Oscars!)

I am (or rather, I have been cruelly dubbed) the cross-eyed opossum, and I have Oscars insight! You might have seen me make my television debut the other night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, but superstardom has not changed me. I’m still the little opossum from Virginia with stars in my eyes and flies in my nose – I have dreams like everyone else, you know?

It was a pretty scary experience altogether, I can tell you. There was me, living under the Henderson’s house in Mississippi, when that pesky kid Andy from next door found me predicting which bin man’s wife was having an affair for my vermin chums and told the local press. The next thing I know, they’d loaded me up into one of those preposterous cat-carriers and thrown into a cargo plane bound for LA – there weren’t even mid-flight snacks for me to feed on! All I had to eat was the lining in my plastic container and a bit of chewing gum that has been stuck in my fur since last Thanks-Giving! Not cool.

Anyways, I was then put into this little house on the stage that looked nothing like the Henderson’s house (they have old rocking chairs under the house and a couple of Green Goblin magazines for make my nest in. Nnnnnnnest!) and given a skanky saucer of water to drink from : ( . They then shoved the camera in my face and told me to pick the winner of the oscars, and filmed me from a very unflattering angle! I looked like an opossum milk monitor. This opossum was a very sad little opossum, very sad indeed. But, I picked it anyways, it was too easy. Predicting who the fat cats (Gosh, I hate cats – those bin-raiding cavaliers!) in Hollywood would pick is as easy as pie – you don’t have to be a clairvoyant opossum for that tomfoolery!

This GROUPON AWARD FOR BEST PICTURE is a totally different kettle of fish (mmmmmmmm old, mouldy fish : P**). Not even my extra-sensory perceptions can predict who is going to snatch that golden fella – you lot out there are just too unpredictable! So, this little award ceremony gets my seal of approval. It’s nice to think that the little man (or little opossum) gets to have their say and decide which films were Top of the Pops and which one smells like gone-off jelly tots (although, now I think about it, I quite like that smell…especially with some old boots and rotten kebab meat). So, the minute I get back to my hovel, I’ll be a relaxed but extremely jealous opossum that you guys out there get to play – can’t get a great broadband connection on a busted calculator.

I gotta go now – this guy in the picture above is carrying me to the airport because I stroked out a bit on backstage candy bars (they were free, what can I say), but do let Groupon know how you get on and what you thought of their awards. I’ll be thinking about you all.

Bye!

Photography by Agharta and Feast of Fun