5 Things You Can Find in a Leprechaun’s Pocket

Posted by Justin on Mar 17, 2011 in News | 2 comments

When it comes to the code of the leprechaun, Laurence very much adheres to the same principles that Baden Powell hammered into his band of similarly green-clad fire builders – Always Be Prepared.

When galavanting about the countryside, reciting limericks and smoking a pipe, your man can get a little disorientated and it’s, therefore, nice to have a few bits and pieces at his disposal whenever the situation arises. Given that you don’t exactly see many leprechauns in the queue at Tesco’s to ask them yourself, Laurence decided that he would give you all a quick rundown of what you would expect to find if you were to route around in those silk-lined pockets of his…other than a confused look on his face.

He’s not too good at blogging himself (what with having spent most of his life in a field or snuggling under a tree), so we’ve transcribed 5 things you could produce from his pocket on any day of the year:

GPS

I know that this might be a surprise to many of you, having surveyed my less-than-Armani garms, but I wouldn’t leave the tree house without one of these little suckers on my person. Limericking into the early hours of the morning can leave a leprechaun lost and bewildered, often many miles from the nearest town or familiar turnstile. As such, having a hand-held device like this can be extremely useful. I can’t tell you the amount of times it’s got me out of some sticky situations – sticky in the literal sense once or twice, you know. I once had a few too many Irish wines with a River Faun, and had headed badly off course. I was moments away from staggering into the Kilkenny Boglands, the last resting place of my great-uncle Amadeus McAmadeus, when I popped that puppy on and swerved to safety. Scared the bejesus outta me!

Mineral testing kit

Worrying about me gold all day can have its downsides (it can have its upsides too – it’s damn pretty!). I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times people have tried to steal a nugget or two from right under me flipping nose! Therefore, it helps to have one of these fellas to hand at all times. You just pop it out and take some scrapings from the nugget you suspect is a phoney – that simple. It helps me stay ahead of the game, and stops magpie-eyed fraudsters snatching at me gold. If one more person tries to replace one of me nuggets with a flipping Ferrero Rocher I’m going to lose me flipping mind!

Hip Flask

The road from Guinness tap to Guinness tap can be long and rocky. Bigoted landlords and trench foot are but a couple of the many reasons why this little man has gone thirsty on a wet winter evening. That only happened to me a couple of times, but it was too awful to imagine. Hands all cold from touching me gold all day, raindrops seeping into the velvet on my crumpled green hat, and not one drop of booze for me belly. I’m mindful now that I’m always packing a dram for the wintery nights on the grassy hillside. Ah the moon in all it’s glory makes it all worth it…it shines like me gold!

House of Pain cassette

I know a lot of you were thinking that all this little guy listens to is The Dubliners first album and rare Sinead O’Connor B sides, but even a tiny person needs to get the party started once in a while! In fact, having this at my fingertips, whenever the occasion calls, often gets me jig feet a-tingling. They may not have been birthed from the bossom of me beautiful Emerald, but they speak from the heart and so when they tell me to “Jump Around”, I ruddy listen! It be the perfect soundtrack to throwing a farmer’s wife around to, and has a bewitching charm I can’t help but adore.

A Polaroid camera

Again, this maybe a bit of surprise to those of you who have an oh-so-traditional view of the little guys in green, but a good camera is worth it’s weight in gold (did someone mention gold?!). I see many wonderful sights wandering the hills of Ballyclare or the backstreets of County Cork, and having a instant memory-maker at my disposal is exactly what this tiny Irishman is after. It also doubles as a lo fi CCTV device for when toe rags make a lunge for me precious gold!

Photography by Mini Cooper, Edwinek, and Gestalteando